WOAH IT’S REALTALK TIME I JUST DECIDED NOW.
So they say you need to be open about things to fight stigma. So, here goes.
Most of you guys call me Dee. We raid together, or we chat, and I like to think that some of you like me. Well, it’s not all that hard to figure out, but I’m severely mentally ill. I thought that this would be appropriate, as tomorrow is May 1, and May is Mental Health Month.
It’s hard to talk about sometimes, even right now. Words are never too easy, so I’ll try to keep it simple. I have schizoaffective disorder. Most people probably don’t know what it is- it’s a schizophrenia-spectrum disorder with a mood disorder. In my case, it’s like having bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. That means that my mood goes way up and way down, and I also have paranoid delusions and hallucinations. I’ve had these symptoms for a long time, but they really got bad when I was 21. I’ve been hospitalized three times so far, and I’ve been in constant medical care for the past four years. At one point, I was on eight medications, including three antipsychotics. Fortunately, I am now only on three medications.
Psychosis is rarely as fun as some people think- it is, without a doubt, the worst part of what I experience. I’ve believed some pretty crazy things, and I’ve seen some terrifying hallucinations. I’ve had my own malfunctioning brain telling me how worthless I was, voices coming constantly for years. It doesn’t make me fun to be around.
It’s tough, it really is. But if we’re going to change the way people see these things, it can only help to be honest. And so, here I am. I’m not hiding anymore. I’m just me.